Romance Tips

Big on love, low on cost  

Worries about money are high on the list of relationship stressors even in the best of times. As 2010 unfolds and the forecasts about debt, jobs and business downturns become reality, the pressure on couples increases.

Financial stresses can force sudden life changes and can lead to psychological and health problems too: feelings of low self-esteem, guilt or blame, anxiety, isolation, substance abuse and greater conflict between partners.

Money problems don’t go away if they are ignored but they may get worse. One relationship expert encourages couples to address financial problems before they take over the relationship. Take practical steps like making a budget to see where the money goes or get early financial advice. Most importantly listen to each other and offer support rather than avoid each other’s concerns.

Having fun together is an important part of keeping relationships strong during difficulties. While romance may seem an unaffordable luxury, we need it more than ever in these recessionary times.

It needn’t cost. The trick is spending time together, not money. There are many ways to strengthen your relationship without weakening your wallet. Click here for ideas that are big on love and low on cost that care for your relationship and your bank balance.

Find the words

Words are cheap ... and effective. A sincere message — ‘Thank you’ or ‘I love it when you...’ can do more to build relationship than a Valentine cliché. If you can’t find the words, use someone else’s to say what matters. Find a poem. Email it, slip it under your partner’s pillow, tape it to their car or computer.

Why pay for it

There are many low cost, fun things to do together. The secret is finding things your partner loves or that you enjoy together and making the time, just you two. It could be window-shopping, going to a movie, playing pool at the local pub.

You could try something you’ve never done before: go berry-picking, take up a sport or do volunteer work together.

Take a load-off

Offer to pick up the children, be home early, do the food shopping or some other chore that lightens your partner’s load for the day.

Surprise your partner by doing something they usually do. Organise the babysitter, mow the lawn, buy the tickets, clean the barbecue. Make it a habit to do something extra or show your appreciation. Who was it that said housework is the best aphrodisiac..?

Cheap Eats

Instead of a splashy restaurant meal cook your partner’s favourite dessert or set a table and chairs or a picnic rug in a different place in your home. Lower the lights, burn a candle and play music.

Do it

Do something together away from telephones and other interruptions. Take a stroll or a bike ride in a beautiful place: by a lake or river, in a forest, find a mountain view. Do something you used to do together, that’s fallen by the way.

Don’t wait another year

Make time regularly: don’t wait for anniversaries or Valentine’s Day. Take the initiative and then think about what you can do next time to enjoy each other.  Make it a habit to have time together every week.

It’s a date.

14 ideas for Valentine’s Day... or any day

Make a list: Ten Things I Love about You

Send it: Text it. Send a card or post-card. Lash out and write an old-fashioned love letter

Give each other a back or foot massage using fragrant cream or oil

Give an IOU that can be redeemed later for breakfast in bed, an evening walk, a sleep-in

Have a treasure hunt: hide messages or tokens in the house, garden or a park

Slip a note into your partner’s lunch, laptop or workbag: ‘I love you’, ‘Can’t wait to see you tonight’...use your imagination

Open a Relationship Bank. Write down good things to do for each other and ‘deposit’ ideas in a jar. When your partner or your relationship needs a boost, make a ‘withdrawal’

Instead of the full ‘dinner and movie’ routine, have a Valentine’s breakfast or meet after work for a drink in a swanky bar or hotel. You’ll find there’s more money and time left over for spontaneous fun

By all means go out for dinner but share everything: it’s more romantic and less expensive!

Hunt down a new ‘special place’ and take a simple picnic: a rug, something good to drink and easy food — crackers, cheese or fruit

Rent a movie and watch it together over a living room picnic or a glass of chilled wine. Mostly Martha is funny, tender and has tips for romancing even the stoniest heart. Find a movie you both enjoy

Instead of a bouquet, plant a garden bed with your lover’s favourite flowers or edible plants to harvest throughout the year

Move the television into your bedroom and have a movie night under the doona. Better still — keep the television out of the bedroom and make your own fun together

 Have fun. Whatever you’re doing in your special time, ban problems, whether it’s money, work, children, in-laws. Laugh. Listen. Enjoy what brought you together in the first place

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